Last night I rented "Dude, Where's my Butterfly effect" starring Ashton Kutcher. What a fucking cool movie. It made me think of all the random events in my life that led me here.
I am a big fan of the "what if". The speculation of what life could have been like if I had chosen a different path. It makes me think back to a night, about a million years ago now, outside the Purple Onion, of all places. I had met this guy, when I was upgrading at Grant MacEwan down in Millwoods, and this was the first night he came out with me and all my friends. I was sure we'd scare the shit out of him. Which we did. That night a series of weird, chaotic events played out in front of me and they are so vivid to me to this day and I often wonder if, in the chaos of that night, if I had chosen differently, where would I be today? Why does that moment seem so significant?
The (abbreviated) History:
I really liked this guy and I realized I should really introduce him to my friends, get it over with, as it were, so I invited him over to the Moon Tower for our usual, pre-bar Friday night drinking and smoking. I figured if he made it through the night we just might have a chance. This was a mixed event with all my guy friends and The Rottens and assorted other frat boys, etc.... I was nervous. Friends always find it necessary to embarrass you by telling inappropriate stories and such, especially when drunk. It went way better than I expected, save the fact that we spilled bong water on him, whoops, poor guy. After we all got suitably tanked we headed out to Whyte Ave and the stinky P.O.
Also invited to the P.O were my girl friends from Rugby, a good but raunchy bunch...and as usual there were lots of rugby boys there, including one who I had "dated" a couple of times. By 2 a.m. The rugby girls were picking fights on the dance floor, The Rottens felt the need to provide "back-up" and, like I have never seen before, the fight spilled out onto the street and I stood, holding my new interests' hand, while my friends got into a huge cat fight with some scary looking chicks.
It was very surreal (and hilarious now that I think back on that...)...I didn't know what to do. In my head I am thinking "Fine first impression this is..." I kept turning to him and saying "they never do this, really..." There was bitch-slapping , scratching and hair pulling and I remember the moment vividly because at that moment the Rugby boy comes up and holds my other hand and gives me the ole "how you doing." So there in that moment I made a choice, I said buh-bye to Mr. Rugby and that night I shared a first kiss with my new man, and we were together for 3 years. It changed my life totally.
Somedays I want to go back to that moment and pick differently. I also want to know why that moment sticks out in my mind in such a vivid way.
Like in that movie "Sliding Doors" where Gwyneth Paltrow gets to play out 2 scenarios of her life. In one life she misses a train, in the other she catches the train and also catches her boyfriend in bed with someone else.
I loved that movie and the 'what if' aspect. That significant moment in which her life changed forever.
You really can make your own history. That made me really think about life. What if I had not gone back to school? What if I hadn't suddenly enrolled, after my friends' wedding, at the U of A? What if I hadn't run for council?
What if....
It's not just about regrets either...to me it about the wonder of that other life...
It's all moot of course, because reality insists we live and breathe the consequences of our actions, but if I could go back in time and make a different decision that night...what could have happened?? I wish I could peek into that other life, see what lies there...
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When I was in grade ten, some older students came into my English class for nomination forms for the position of Grade 10 rep on Students' Council. I felt bad that nobody else was showing any interest, so I took one. I finished first of seven candidates, and by the end of the year I'd drafted my first piece of legislation (which was, admittedly, terrible).
How I entered student politics. . .
Earlier this year, I wrote a paper on Parallel Universes. The theory goes that there are trillions of other existences, some completely different than ours, some similar, but with minor variations. Sometimes I take comfort in thinking that whatever didn't turn out in this life did on some other plane at least.
S.
I tried to think about the what-ifs once, and I nearly went crazy just thinking about it. It's hard for me to imagine because I'm more of a "It's not the hand you were dealt, it's how you play it that counts" type of person. But yeah, I figured out that if my dad didn't cut off a piece of his finger at work back in 1998, I would not be signing the name "The Dude" to this comment right now. Neat, huh?
--The Dude
ooooohhhhh the soundtrack! Never thought of that...should I check it out?
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