Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours ~Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

More and more this summer I find myself impatient with the time I spend doing shit I don't want to do. I'm not patient though, I never have been. But lately I am acutely aware of each day as it passes by, slowly grinding my life into a tortuous, monotonous existence that seems focused on the pursuit of capital. The only reason I do it is to make money for school. I have actually wanted to be able to fast forward through these long, boring days. But I have to do it. When does life get to be about what I want to do?

I suspect the answer to this is: never. Sadly, getting out of here is my motivation, the main reason I go to school, and it is the only hope I have that one day I won't have to get out of bed and come to a job where people yell at me for shit that I don't give a rat's ass about. It's the promise of one day having a job I want. A job where I feel like I am part of something constructive and interesting. It's like my life is stuck at Wednesday. Hump day. With no end in sight. No promise of the weekend, no relief from the monotony. Waiting.

Today I am bitchy, though. I'm tired so I have to admit I am letting my mood rule my day. Things are just not going my way and I am mad about that. I want something that I can't have. I can't stop thinking about it, oh how I wish I could just shut my mind off for 5 minutes. Now, like a two-year old I feel like shouting life isn't fair! Like the U2 song...."Some days you feel like a bit of a baby".

It's stupid, I know. Luckily it will pass, and I know I need to just suck it up, but someday's really are better than others. Fuck...

"Such a muddly line between
The things you want
And the things you have to do..." Sheryl Crowe 'Leaving Las Vegas'

Song Du Jour ~ 'It Doesn't Matter" - Depeche Mode