"I'll take "anal bum cover" for 500" ~ 'Sean Connery' on SNL's Celebrity Jeopardy

Alex Trebek: That's "an album cover."
Sean Connery: I spent the better part of my life trying to perfect an anal bum cover. It can't be done.

In the last few days there has been a lot of drinking, maybe...maybe too much drinking.

~Sleeman's Honey Brown on Saturday night
~Canadian on Monday night
~Alberta Genuine Draft at Kirny's on Tuesday night
~Löwenbräu last night...

It's turned out to be some sort of great beer tasting debauchery week.

'Gay-Tee' threw a grand wedding and, except for the flower-wilting gas that Kirny tormented me with on the drive down, it was a wicked time. The beds were far too comfortable in the hotel and there is one thing I don't understand...the shower head was about 5 feet up, so for someone my height, I had to crouch or lean back in order to get the shampoo out of my hair. Kirny was shouting that Terror Squad rap "do the rockaway, now lean back, lean back, lean back, lean back..."
Too funny...but why in hell do they put the showerhead that low? Hm?

The Roadrunners game was the best time. They pulled out all the foam sticks the Edmonton Journal had made up last year, clearly for the Oil, and gave them out to the crowd. If you bend them in half they are perfect for whipping somebody in the head...We had some good fights. The little kids got crafty and started making hats and elaborate outfits with all the foam sticks. The crowd was huge and really into it. I have decided I like the OT shoot-out at the end, it is rather enjoyable, but have a few of those work out against my team and I bet I wouldn't like them all that much. I have yet to see the RoadRunners lose because everytime I go to a game they win it.
Also what is up with Hamilton? Even with the new big-ass blue lines they were offside all the time. Get it together, Dudes. And I am sad to realize that my J-Lo was there at the game too and I didn't know she would be there.

Last night I was supposed to go to a movie but instead we played a bunch of games whilst drinking all manner of German Alcohol (mostly beer and wine). We even played Scrabble. Smith's team managed to spell out Quorum (I know, shocker)....it was rather impressive and most hackilicious.

We played this other game called Watten and I loved it. You get your cards and then you get to signal your partner what you hold in your hand. Like an elaborate game of crazy eights with sign language. It was rather weird having Smith, my partner, pull faces, wink, and roll his eyes at me. He's not very subtle though and we got our butts kicked soundly. I just kept getting all the signals wrong and making an ass of myself. There was lots of dancing to eighties music and I think I have filled my quota of Wham music for the holiday season. Thankfully, no one pulled out the Aqua...but you know you have a good party going when the whole place is singing and dancing along to Dancing Queen...tee hee.

Christmas break is great because so many people are home for the holidays. It is impossible to get out to all the different events going on but I hope everybody else is having as much fun as I am this week! And thanks to all of my friends and family, I am such a lucky person to be surrounded by such amazing (not to mention hilarious) people!

Happy Holidays to all!

Song Du Jour: "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" ~ Wham

"A hot romance between odd couple Brigitte Nielsen and Flavor Flav blossoms"

I kid you not...this is what passes as entertainment? And this show is in season Three? I've never even heard of it...

"THE SURREAL LIFE": SEASON 3
M3 EXCLUSIVE SERIES CONTINUES WITH ALL-NEW CAST OF HAS-BEENS
Sundays @ 8pm ET beginning January 16th
Hi-res photos available @ www.muchmoremusic.com/media

A new assortment of C-list celebs including Public Enemy clock-toting'rapper Flavor Flav, former New Kid On the Block Jordan Knight, "American Idol" runner-up Ryan Starr, "Coochi Coochi" Latina legend Charo, "Full House" nice guy Dave Coulier and blonde bombshell Brigitte Nielsen ("Rocky IV", "Red Sonja") crash in one house. Fans can watch this all-new eclectic crop of has-beens and never-weres live it up in a $7-million Los Angeles mansion, video-rigged for weeks of close encounters.
Jan. 16th - Episode 1: "Six Degrees of Irritation" The C-listers fight for the best rooms in the house leaving Jordan Knight fuming over the lack of privacy.
Jan. 23rd - Episode 2: "Strange Love" A hot romance between odd couple Brigitte Nielsen and Flavor Flav blossoms.

Ugh...what a strange couple...and Charo and Jordan Knight? C'mon....

That just made me giggle. I was really going to that site because U2 will be on Much More Music...just click the link in the title for more info U2 fans.

So it is Friday. I now have 17 hours before I write an exam and here I am in the library at school blogging. Some lady in the stacks behind me is hacking up a lung but other than that all you can hear is the quiet hum of the computers and lights and the murmuring snore of the student at the workstation next to me. She has drool dripping from the side of her mouth onto her notes, where she is totally passed out. At least I am not sitting next to a nose-whistler...I hate that.
Student's seem in a daze. Most of us can barely link thoughts and put them into sentences and I collapse into fits of giggles at the silliest things. Ahhh finals, don't you love them?
And I'd like to shout out a big ole screw you to Clarissa and Mike who both felt it necessary to gloat.."I'm Done writing finals! na, na, na ,na ,na!"

Right...Now I have to get back to studying. All I keep thinking about is 11 a.m. tomorrow morning and 24 hours of debauchery in Cowtown with my boys. Cheers!

Song Du Jour: Get in The Ring ~ Guns and Roses

"I'm not a speaker of dudish, so I could be wrong " ~ Mark Liberman

Dude...
It is a word like Smurf....Who remembers smurfs? When everything was smurfy...or you need to smurf that smurfy smurf. Dude really is a catch all phrase...
I admit I use the word Dude way too much. I just change the inflection, the pitch or tone, in my voice and it means something completely different. That is just plain handy. I also do this with the word Lady.

Lady!!!!
Laaady.
Laaaa-deee.

The other day Mr. Speaker asked me why I call my friend Lado. Yup Lado. (She's the only one I call Lado though, the other Rotten's hate it and have banned the use of it.) It just sounds better and rolls of the tongue if you say it fast. It evolved from Lady at some point and I guess the truth of it is that my friends and I seem to have developed a language all our own. I've been in public places having a conversation and some person with us wonders what the hell we are talking about. We all understand this lingo but to anybody outside our group, without the same pop culture references and such, it is just gibberish.

Without context it means little to the vast majority if I say,
"Hey Dudes remember when we went pirate with the Indian at The Moontower" but to me, and my group of friends, this makes perfect sense...

We have our "Hey you's" Which is a reference to an old, *old* SNL skit about a perfume called "Hey You" that a chick wears in the bar to pick up guys. The next scene is her, with a love bun (that knot of messed up hair in the back of your head after a night of rumpeh-pumpeh), with last nights' clothes on and her make-up down to her ankles...she's hailing a cab. So Hey You's became the name for the place we would all meet, at one of our houses, the day after we went to the bar. We'd all drag our sorry, hungover asses, with our love buns, back to Ronnies and gossip about the night before and where and with whom we ended up.
Usually this Hey You/meeting of the hung involved "Getting Grease" which shouldn't be confused with getting greased...
No 'getting grease', or the 'ole Potty Picnic' (cause it goes right through you, so you might as well eat it on the toilet), refers to getting McDonald's before going to The Hey You. The magic elixer and cure of many hangovers...greasy McDick's food.

We also call cake "Cock" (and Coke is often referred to as "Cock"....just for fun)which has to do with Martin Short's brilliant portrayal of an "English as a second language" Wedding planner in "Father of The Bride" ("Faja of the Bride" or "Pather pa da pride" if you're my Lado...)

Imagine standing in Blockbuster with me and my ladies and I turn to you and say, "want to rent a pussy movie? Oh and should we get girl-drink-drunk or Cock tonight?"

You can see how this can get confusing...Sometimes I forget myself and speak this way with new friends and they look at me like I have lost my mind...
So I start again and translate "Sorry Lady (or Dude)I mean... do you want to get a sappy-girly movie? Shall we drink Pina Colada's or Coke tonight?"

These obscure references to things from the past are now part of our collective language. Try explaining purse bitch...(Without a picture of Bogg)
No doubt other groups of individuals do this but I wonder if they have as much fun with it as we do? I doubt it Dude.

Okay enough procrastinating...

Song Du Jour: Burn One Down ~ Ben Harper

"As a result of the smaller roster, all-star forward Danielle Proletariat will be expected to play 60 minutes per game for the remainder of the year"

"Fake Mutton" from an article in this year's "Getaway"....

The article made me laugh out loud. That would be fine except for the fact that I was in "History 10" at the time and I got a wicked look from my prof. Whatever. It is first year history, he should be used to immature behavior by now.

When I talk about 'my cousin Danielle' I can't seem to drop the 'my cousin' bit before I say her name. This has prompted many people to also call her 'my cousin Danielle' which makes for interesting conversation. It is rather funny and a bit esoteric, but reading that line used in the Getaway will make three or perhaps four people laugh. Good on ya "Fake Mutton," that took balls to put it in there.

Other than that I didn't really think the Getaway was that funny. Was it just me? It seems that over using expletives constitutes wit in this years issue. I'm not an enemy of toilet humour but this tactic backfires. Also that revolting picture of Paul Owen (with tassels even...ugh..) on page eight is enough to make you lose your lunch.
*shudder*

So as long as you are not eating, or have just eaten, skim through the Getaway, avoid page eight at all costs, and read the article entitled, "Hockey Panda's Coach Goes Insane". Seriously, don't look at page eight it may be one of those images you never recover from...
*shudder*

(at the time of this post The Getaway was not published on the website, when or if it is published I will link to the story)

"Brain? What is Brain....?" ~ Homer Simpson

I could have titled this "I are study..."
My brain hurts.

It is the last ditch effort to pull this semester out of a tail spin that is causing my head to throb. Thank God for all out panic attacks...if I didn't wake up in the morning with that dread of failing in the pit of my stomach I would most likely never make it through school.

Today is my last day of classes! Woo hoo! So you'd think I would be going out to celebrate or taking some time to relax now that it is over. Uh...No. It is about following the study plan I mapped out in order to squeeze every last moment of study time out of the next 13 days. Inevitably that means less blog posting, so to my wonderful readers, please don't expect too many posts over the next 2 weeks...unless I find myself in a procrastinating mood, but that time is usually allotted to NFL watching.

Speaking of the NFL, I took a break Sunday to watch the games and to yell at my TV...well more specifically to yell at the Bronco's. Jesus. Why is that I feel compelled to yell at the TV? I have no clue, but it scares the beejeezus out of my friend's cat...so maybe I do it just to see her freak out. I also watched Elf this weekend and I found it rather hilarious...The Bears hockey team won 7-2 and 8-3. I worked my first shift in the sin bin and I can't think of a better way to spend my evenings than with sweaty hockey players and getting paid to watch games. Good times.

Song Du Jour: White Flag ~ Dido

"The Perfection of Rottonness" ~ William James (American philosopher and psychologist, leader of the philosophical movement of Pragmatism, 1842-1910)
 

As 'Rotten Leader' I think I have almost perfected my corrupting ways, I felt I should offer proof.

"Bring back the NHL so I can cheer for the Oil!!" ~ Baby Jacob 

"Taking Ritalin to study is very dangerous. If you let your focus drift, you'll spend the night scrubbing your telephone." ~Danielle Carlson

So apparently one of those Desperate Housewives (*not* the one who got naked with Terrell Owens and caused a big flack in Jesus Land) takes her kids' A.D.D. medication to help her get through her busy day.

I haven't actually watched the show but it made me wonder how many other people saw that and ran to the medicine cabinet and downed a couple tabs of lil' Timmy's medicine to see what would happen.

Is this what it has come to? My ladies are at-home Mommies and they have their bad days but I wonder what it must be like to be at home with the kids all day with no outside contact with a million things to do. One of my friends told me that her husband, and his friends, make jokes that their wives are "retired" now that they stay at home with the kids. Like they sit at home watching their 'stories' and eating Bon-bons or some shite. Puh-lease..it is hard work raising kids. (I know there is some feminist rant in there about unpaid labour and how domestic chores seem to fall to one gender and such, but I can't be bothered to go all femi-nazi just now)

Some days I see my friends with their kids and I wish I could be a Mom and do all that Mom stuff...usually I just want to be a part of the more interesting Mom stuff, not the really hard Mom stuff.
I get the impression that they would also like a day like mine where I have some time for myself and get to learn amazing new things and socialize with great people...

Why *is* the grass always greener on the other side? Stupid grass....

Song Du Jour: Camp Fire Girl #62 ~ Guttermouth

"Bee-do" said my old cell phone one final time...

Here is some 'I'm an arts student' math for ya:

3 months +
5 irate phone calls to Rogers +
one $30 charger +
$75 for a new phone =
I am back on the cellular network! Huzzah!

Yes, that is right, Bee-do has been replaced.
It is sad day for me. Bee-do and I went through a lot together, she was a fine...oh screw that...BUH-bye Bee-do! Good Riddance you peice 'o' Shite.
I am so excited to have a new phone!!

It even has a fancy-schmancy colour screen! Ooooooh...
I know you're jealous...
Now, we need to give it a name (any suggestions? Hammers named the last one, perhaps she'd like the honour?) and have a champagne christening of course...
With Bee-do it was a rather informal "Beer Christening", which may have been the start of the problems...bah! Booze can only improve a cell phone, no? (and by "Beer Christening" I mean she was on the table when somebody knocked over a pint in RATT...whoops.)

Song Du Jour: Chrismahanukwanzakah ~ Dean and Gene Ween allegedly wrote it...

On Ween's website read the Waste Page, it just might make you laugh...(oh, that link no worky...you actually have to click on the link at the top of the page entitled, handily enough, "Waste")