I've been trying to figure out this odd feeling that keeps washing over me this last month. It's like it builds up in my chest until I can't take it anymore and I feel like I might burst.
Last night I was in Save On Foods rushing about in my workout gear after getting my arse handed to me at kickboxing/punch dancing class and I found myself smiling away at the bulk organic soynuts cascading into the bag while a woman berated her child in the bulk foods aisle. She was an angry lady...poor kid. All of a sudden Mysterious Ways by U2 came on the speakers and I sang along happily while two men had a fight over soda near their cart. "No dude, you can make Cuba Libre's with fake pop..." "yeah but Coke is too expensive, ya jackass." "oh fuck you...just leave it in the cart" "You're already ruining next weekend dude!" Holy Drama! And Cuba Libre's? That uptight Dude needs a new cool beverage to drink.
Then a lady ran into me with her cart. "oh sorry" I said, like it was my fault, then I helped her pick up the stuff she knocked over and she looked at me and said thanks, she had a bad day. She thought I was going to yell at her. I said, well it can only get better now. I smiled at her. And she smiled back then rushed off with a look of exhaustion in her eyes.
I stopped there for a moment and watched people rush around like mad, fight and skulk about and even though I had about a 1000 things still to do and it was already 8 p.m. I felt this calm sort of serene feeling...what is that, I wondered.
And I am startled to discover it is happiness. and contentment. I know that sounds silly, and it's not like I haven't been happy before, don't get me wrong, but a sustained period of elation can really catch you off guard. And this time it's different because everything in my life happens to be coming at me all at once and I should be cowering in a corner in a panic...but I'm not. I blame this on all the things I have to look forward to in the upcoming month and the really incredible year unfolding around me. I had an epiphany...I can't control life so now I am just so excited for what's next. It's a Castaway moment for sure (yay pop culture)...Tom Hanks in the middle of that 4 way stop...You never know what the next wave will bring. All I know is how fucking grateful I am for all the things in my life. How happy I feel right now, in this moment.
Tomorrow is a huge day for me. I plan to celebrate it by going with my #yegmusicclub to see Black Keys, who I have been dying to see live. Nothing like live music to elevate you even higher. Then next week (next week!) I am going to see U2 again with the most incredible people from around the globe. I've never been this excited to go stand and wait in a huge queue.
"Oh, it’s my road and it’s my war..."
I have Young The Giant stuck in my head today so that will be the Song Du Jour:
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